geek.anachronism

she has fallen and now she is awake

I’m really fucking pissed off

Some douchey goddamn neanderthal was in the same carriage as me, Wolfman and Bunbun today. We were heading to the Ekka and this guy was doing fuck knows what apart from harassing women on the train. We got on and all we could hear was his fucking monotonous whining bullshit with occasional “no seriously, stop talking to me” and “no, I’m not going to cry” from a woman near him. Eventually she got up and walked down to where we were standing – well, I was sitting because I had Bunbun strapped to me. She was shaking and pissed off and neanderthal raised his voice and went on and on about bitches.

I wanted to say something to her, I just couldn’t think of anything appropriate.

A few stops later she moves to another carriage and another woman gets on and sits near him. His monologue on bitches gets interrupted to start in on this new woman. Does she know how fucking stupid this other bitch was? All he did was say hello and she was totally going to try. In the beginning the new woman smiles and says how stupid some women are. He launches into another monologue, more and more explicit.

I try to catch her eye. She’s looking down now, picking at her fingers.

He launches into how he’ll wank tonight about her and how that’s better but hey, why isn’t her boyfriend here if he’s so awesome?

I try catch her eye again.

I am not going to put myself in the firing line. My adrenaline is already up and I’m shaking and I just fucking can’t, not with Bunbun nesting against my chest. Not even with Wolfman behind me.

We get off the train and get onto the connecting one. I launch into a diatribe on just how much it fucking sucks to be a woman in public. To be on public transport. I tell him about the time I pretended this was my stop but only got off and ran to a carriage a few down because the thought of even letting this guy know my real stop was terrifying. I didn’t explain that I only did that because it was a well populated stop and I knew that I could have lost him in the crowd.

He asked me why it took the first woman so long to move and why the second one hadn’t. I explained how there’s that initial need to be polite. Refusal to believe they’re actually saying what they’re saying and doing what they’re doing. Then there’s the risk assessment – are they going to be violent or merely vile. Are they going to threaten you or assault you? It’ll be one or the other.

All this with our baby daughter resting on my heaving chest.

I’m sorry I didn’t do anything. The risk assessment just wasn’t worth it. But I’m sick to my stomach nonetheless and I am sorry.

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One response to “I’m really fucking pissed off

  1. Flo August 15, 2010 at 13:48

    I know what you’re saying there. I had a similar experience on a train. There was a quite angry group of people who were really hassling another group of overseas students. It was a crowded train. I really wanted to get up and say something but I was with my 3-year-old and I was scared.

    I’d like to think that if I wasn’t with my kid I might have said something (it was in fact quite a full carriage and eventually someone did speak up) but I don’t know for sure that I would have.

    It’s horrible that fear can win out over taking the right stance. And it’s horrible that we then carry the guilt of that while the perpetrators possibly never think about the effect they’ve had.

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