what I write about
she has fallen and now she is awake
I know it’s a rather overdone cliche but my life right now feels like a bunch of spinning plates about to shatter into nothingness.
The sleep plate is spinning wildly and slamming headlong into the parenting plate which then careens into the “when was the last time we had a conversation that wasn’t about poop and didn’t turn into an argument” plate which has completely broken the sex plate. The eating plate and time plate keep bumping each other as well which upsets all the tiny little plates on top of the eating plate so healthy is sliding off while cheap is wobbling but easy is steady. It’s bumping the money plate too which is also bumping the “when was the last time we had a conversation that wasn’t about poop and didn’t turn into an argument” plate and has slammed the house plate right off the table. The work plate is in the centre of all this getting bumped from all sides.
The “time spent not thinking about money, the house, food, sleep or our relationship” plate is nowhere to be found.
Now, I know that this is temporary and I know this is part of trying to find how things are going to work up here but I dreadfully miss the “time spent not thinking about money, the house, food, sleep or our relationship” plate. I miss the sleep plate being balanced. I miss a lot of things.
I also resent a lot of things. I resent the interference of well-meaning douches who have made it so Wolfman ha started aiming for Bunbun to be out of our bed full-time on his schedule, not hers. I resent that he’s trying to do that while trying to support the breastfeeding which just makes sleep MORE difficult for me than before. I resent the implications from friends and family that weaning will solve all our problems. I resent that we’re even talking about sex when I can’t get enough sleep, the house looks like a toddler did the decorating and I can’t even relax enough to fart properly because fuck we need to look at our budget and you have to stop eating out and all of our blinds are broken and did she have milk today and my rib is still clicking and when did she get up and I really need to write this thing and work is fucking riding me and does the radio have to be on right now and why the fuck do I have to wake you up in order to get a sleep in?
I resent that he seems to have the plates stacked neatly out of sight because I’m the one doing the balancing.
He must be balancing his own plates, right?